How to P.O. your toddler

In case you were wondering here's how to P.O. your toddler:

Step 1: Place toddler in car seat.

Step 2: Coat toddler's hands in Purell to make sure he's not bringing home any crazy diseases from story time at the library.

Step 3: During the car ride home the toddler will start screaming as he has rubbed purell into his eyes.

Step 4: Race home as fast as you can, but allow toddler to scream the entire ride home. "EYES MAMA EEEEEEEEYYEEEES!"

Step 5: Bring toddler into the house and attempt to flush eyes out with water. Believe me this will not go well, but it will make your toddler go from Level 5 anger to level 10 anger.

Step 6: Finally realize that no water is actually going into the toddler's eyes and it's all on the counter, clothing and floor.

At this point it's just best to calm the toddler down as he is starting to spasm with anger. Cookies and juice will help.

So does anyone know of any alternatives to an alcohol based hand cleaner?